In a decisive victory for Huge Chavez, Venezuelans narrowly voted 54% to support a constitutional referendum that allows unlimited term limits for the Presidency.
So here is my congratulatory letter to President Hugo Chavez.
Compliments Huge Chavez!
For your graduation from President to Dictator!
Its going to be a pleasure seeing you in power for the next three decades or so.
Sincerely,
Alexander Shahparnia
P.S- This is madness.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Take My Eyes But Not The Shirt!
Yes, if your a fan of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you probably recognized that unforgettable quote.
But there's always a reason for everything.
Folks,
I was watching my news sources the other day when I heard the ridiculous price tag of the Economic Stimulus Package.
(Right now, it is about 720 Billion Dollars)
And it got me thinking.
Where the heck are we going to get 720 billion dollars worth of this material?
Answer:
Well money is made of cotton and linen. To be exact, 75% cotton and 25% Linen.
So, the answers are pretty simple.
1. Nationalize every cotton and linen store in the country.
(Is this why my local Linen's and Things ran out of business?)
2. Call on every American to donate their cottons and linens to the Crane Paper company, who manufactures the paper money.
Yes America, I know its hard, but it's time we all round up our baby blankets and Ed Hardy shirts.
Criminalize quilting.
And for once in our lives, purchase that silk suit we've been dying to get.(But never had a valid reason too)
Sadly though, our country has developed a plan B to my A.
And if you think my plan is crazy, just listen to this one.
America has managed to find a way to print 720 billion dollars, devalue our money, and save your precious linens at the same time.
(While staying environmentally friendly as well!)
You see, only 3% of our money is actually tangible... leaving 97% digital.
Therefore, we are going to pull a Chris Angel, create 720 billion dollars out from
"credit", and condense it into digital convenience.
So the next time you need to borrow money, just punch your computer, television, or Leap Frog learning system.
Better yet, just take your hands, and start snatching our bills out of thin air.
Because America, in our country, we don't need physical proof to know somethings out there. (Take Iraq's weapons of mass destruction for example)
We've got something called faith.
And when you've got faith, anything is possible.
Ain't that something.
But there's always a reason for everything.
Folks,
I was watching my news sources the other day when I heard the ridiculous price tag of the Economic Stimulus Package.
(Right now, it is about 720 Billion Dollars)
And it got me thinking.
Where the heck are we going to get 720 billion dollars worth of this material?
Answer:
Well money is made of cotton and linen. To be exact, 75% cotton and 25% Linen.
So, the answers are pretty simple.
1. Nationalize every cotton and linen store in the country.
(Is this why my local Linen's and Things ran out of business?)
2. Call on every American to donate their cottons and linens to the Crane Paper company, who manufactures the paper money.
Yes America, I know its hard, but it's time we all round up our baby blankets and Ed Hardy shirts.
Criminalize quilting.
And for once in our lives, purchase that silk suit we've been dying to get.(But never had a valid reason too)
Sadly though, our country has developed a plan B to my A.
And if you think my plan is crazy, just listen to this one.
America has managed to find a way to print 720 billion dollars, devalue our money, and save your precious linens at the same time.
(While staying environmentally friendly as well!)
You see, only 3% of our money is actually tangible... leaving 97% digital.
Therefore, we are going to pull a Chris Angel, create 720 billion dollars out from
"credit", and condense it into digital convenience.
So the next time you need to borrow money, just punch your computer, television, or Leap Frog learning system.
Better yet, just take your hands, and start snatching our bills out of thin air.
Because America, in our country, we don't need physical proof to know somethings out there. (Take Iraq's weapons of mass destruction for example)
We've got something called faith.
And when you've got faith, anything is possible.
Ain't that something.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Barack Obama and the Double Edged Sword
Sounds like a flick that may be out in theaters this summer right?
Wrong.
It's really the continuing criticism that President Obama has been receiving about his nominations; and how his administration is suffering through their goal of attempting to establish a "transparent" government.
Now you know me, I'm all about transparency.
If my government is cookin' something, I wanna know what it is, and if I'll be able to sample it. (For example, our previous "stimulus" bill tasted horrible... but then again it was shoved down my throat without permission, and yours.)
However recently, the media has been super nosy.
I mean so nosy that our poor President cannot even begin to simmer any ingredients together without someone shouting "Too much salt!" or "Remove the carrots!"
I mean holy crabs. (See picture to the right for an image)
The guys only been on the job for 2 hours, and yet it is as if the man has done more Pwrong doings than Bush has done in his entire presidency! (For a quick but fair synopsis of Bush's mistakes, please refer to 2005's "V for Vendetta".
Now I'm not saying President Obama's recent nominations are not worthy of criticism.
Yes, he's had about 200 nominations go sour.
However, give the President some credit!
The fact that he has owned up to every mistake is in every right a step towards developing government accountability.
And now that we have an open and honest* President, the man has become completely vulnerable.
I mean, where did this enthusiasm come from all of a sudden?
Do we really reward honesty negatively?
Heres the deal:
Mistakes are made, they are always going to be made.
There is no Trail without Error.
It is impossible to take a step in the right direction without encountering obstacles.
(Just take Dorothy and the Yellow Brick Road for example.)
Having that said, it is better to start finding solutions to these obstacles rather than interrogating them and wasting valuable time and money.
A solution does not mean giving birth to controversy and chaos.
It means moving solving and executing a previous "failure".
If you enjoy dwelling upon "failure", then with all due respect be my guest.
But for the rest of us who would like to see our country a little more productive, lets carry on with business and move ahead.
* denotes honesty on a contingent basis.
Wrong.
It's really the continuing criticism that President Obama has been receiving about his nominations; and how his administration is suffering through their goal of attempting to establish a "transparent" government.
Now you know me, I'm all about transparency.
If my government is cookin' something, I wanna know what it is, and if I'll be able to sample it. (For example, our previous "stimulus" bill tasted horrible... but then again it was shoved down my throat without permission, and yours.)
However recently, the media has been super nosy.
I mean so nosy that our poor President cannot even begin to simmer any ingredients together without someone shouting "Too much salt!" or "Remove the carrots!"
I mean holy crabs. (See picture to the right for an image)
The guys only been on the job for 2 hours, and yet it is as if the man has done more Pwrong doings than Bush has done in his entire presidency! (For a quick but fair synopsis of Bush's mistakes, please refer to 2005's "V for Vendetta".
Now I'm not saying President Obama's recent nominations are not worthy of criticism.
Yes, he's had about 200 nominations go sour.
However, give the President some credit!
The fact that he has owned up to every mistake is in every right a step towards developing government accountability.
And now that we have an open and honest* President, the man has become completely vulnerable.
I mean, where did this enthusiasm come from all of a sudden?
Do we really reward honesty negatively?
Heres the deal:
Mistakes are made, they are always going to be made.
There is no Trail without Error.
It is impossible to take a step in the right direction without encountering obstacles.
(Just take Dorothy and the Yellow Brick Road for example.)
Having that said, it is better to start finding solutions to these obstacles rather than interrogating them and wasting valuable time and money.
A solution does not mean giving birth to controversy and chaos.
It means moving solving and executing a previous "failure".
If you enjoy dwelling upon "failure", then with all due respect be my guest.
But for the rest of us who would like to see our country a little more productive, lets carry on with business and move ahead.
* denotes honesty on a contingent basis.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Come out of the cabinet!
So recently, there has been so much talk about Obama's cabinet appointees.
Are they legit?
Where have their hands been, and have they washed them?
How did they forget to pay their taxes from the 2003-2004 fiscal year?
Where do babies come from?
Anyways,
It got me thinking creatively.
Because honestly, I'm not going to answer those questions... so if you were looking for those...just keep reading.
My creativeness lead me to dream of what I like to call, the DREAM TEAM CABINET!
(A.K.A: Who I would appoint to my cabinet if I were elected President of the United States)
So without further ado, here it is. (I kept it to five in order to have you all fill in the rest of the seats...or maybe even replace my suggestions)
1. Secretary of State: None other than Gotham's own, the Dark Knight!
For the millions and billions of us who have seen this, and the 2 or 3 who have not experienced pure justice, the Batman is the only man to truly conduct foreign affairs. I mean, have you seen the guy conduct his business? He's got jurisdiction everywhere, even China! (Hopefully, Morgan Freedman would come with this deal; cause then we would have God on our side.)
2. Secretary of Defense: Carmen San Diego: With today's terrorists hiding in the most unusual areas, it takes one to know where one would hide. With Carmen at my side, Osama Bin Laden could only find a safe haven on the planet of mars. Then again, I'm sure they've crossed paths before.
3. Secretary of Energy: Sunny Delight: Because sooner or later, someone has to unleash the power of the sun. So why not do it for a just cause like energy independence. (On the upside, it has a full serving of Vitamin C in every serving. So not only would we be energy independent, we would be cold and flu independent!!!)
4. Secretary of Treasury: Scrooge McDuck: A venture capitalist duck who got rich by being "smarter than the smarties, and tougher than the toughies"? He is definitely a man who could renew our old love for the "gold standard". I mean look at his vault...
5. Vice President: Sarah Palin, played by Tina Fey. Thanks to my great friend Cho, I could not fight her suggestion of this Vice President pick. This is like have your bagel toasted and not toasted at the same time... if you know what I mean.
Anyways, I encourage all of you to comment your suggestions in the comment box located directly underneath this great work of art.
Who would you chose to nominate in your cabinet?
Think hard, don't take it to seriously, and make sure you repeat this video until your finished!
Alex
Are they legit?
Where have their hands been, and have they washed them?
How did they forget to pay their taxes from the 2003-2004 fiscal year?
Where do babies come from?
Anyways,
It got me thinking creatively.
Because honestly, I'm not going to answer those questions... so if you were looking for those...just keep reading.
My creativeness lead me to dream of what I like to call, the DREAM TEAM CABINET!
(A.K.A: Who I would appoint to my cabinet if I were elected President of the United States)
So without further ado, here it is. (I kept it to five in order to have you all fill in the rest of the seats...or maybe even replace my suggestions)
1. Secretary of State: None other than Gotham's own, the Dark Knight!
For the millions and billions of us who have seen this, and the 2 or 3 who have not experienced pure justice, the Batman is the only man to truly conduct foreign affairs. I mean, have you seen the guy conduct his business? He's got jurisdiction everywhere, even China! (Hopefully, Morgan Freedman would come with this deal; cause then we would have God on our side.)
2. Secretary of Defense: Carmen San Diego: With today's terrorists hiding in the most unusual areas, it takes one to know where one would hide. With Carmen at my side, Osama Bin Laden could only find a safe haven on the planet of mars. Then again, I'm sure they've crossed paths before.
3. Secretary of Energy: Sunny Delight: Because sooner or later, someone has to unleash the power of the sun. So why not do it for a just cause like energy independence. (On the upside, it has a full serving of Vitamin C in every serving. So not only would we be energy independent, we would be cold and flu independent!!!)
4. Secretary of Treasury: Scrooge McDuck: A venture capitalist duck who got rich by being "smarter than the smarties, and tougher than the toughies"? He is definitely a man who could renew our old love for the "gold standard". I mean look at his vault...
5. Vice President: Sarah Palin, played by Tina Fey. Thanks to my great friend Cho, I could not fight her suggestion of this Vice President pick. This is like have your bagel toasted and not toasted at the same time... if you know what I mean.
Anyways, I encourage all of you to comment your suggestions in the comment box located directly underneath this great work of art.
Who would you chose to nominate in your cabinet?
Think hard, don't take it to seriously, and make sure you repeat this video until your finished!
Alex
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
President Obama Suspends Guantanamo "Gitmo" Prosecutions
Executive orders rock!
Score one for the attempts to slowly halt Guantanamo operations!
Score two for justice!!
And three for exclamation marks!!!
Score one for the attempts to slowly halt Guantanamo operations!
Score two for justice!!
And three for exclamation marks!!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Obama Inauguration Address Video 1/20/2008
Per request of my readers, here is Obama's Inauguration Address from Monday, January 20th, 2008.
Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy
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