Obama Speech 2/25

Yeah yeah I was at work.
Lets just say I was living Obama's speech.

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Congratulations Hugo Chavez!

In a decisive victory for Huge Chavez, Venezuelans narrowly voted 54% to support a constitutional referendum that allows unlimited term limits for the Presidency.
So here is my congratulatory letter to President Hugo Chavez.

Compliments Huge Chavez!
For your graduation from President to Dictator!
Its going to be a pleasure seeing you in power for the next three decades or so.

Sincerely,
Alexander Shahparnia

P.S- This is madness.

Take My Eyes But Not The Shirt!

Yes, if your a fan of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you probably recognized that unforgettable quote.
But there's always a reason for everything.

Folks,
I was watching my news sources the other day when I heard the ridiculous price tag of the Economic Stimulus Package.
(Right now, it is about 720 Billion Dollars)
And it got me thinking.
Where the heck are we going to get 720 billion dollars worth of this material?

Answer:
Well money is made of cotton and linen. To be exact, 75% cotton and 25% Linen.
So, the answers are pretty simple.
1. Nationalize every cotton and linen store in the country.
(Is this why my local Linen's and Things ran out of business?)
2. Call on every American to donate their cottons and linens to the Crane Paper company, who manufactures the paper money.

Yes America, I know its hard, but it's time we all round up our baby blankets and Ed Hardy shirts.
Criminalize quilting.
And for once in our lives, purchase that silk suit we've been dying to get.(But never had a valid reason too)

Sadly though, our country has developed a plan B to my A.
And if you think my plan is crazy, just listen to this one.


America has managed to find a way to print 720 billion dollars, devalue our money, and save your precious linens at the same time.
(While staying environmentally friendly as well!)
You see, only 3% of our money is actually tangible... leaving 97% digital.
Therefore, we are going to pull a Chris Angel, create 720 billion dollars out from
"credit", and condense it into digital convenience.
So the next time you need to borrow money, just punch your computer, television, or Leap Frog learning system.
Better yet, just take your hands, and start snatching our bills out of thin air.

Because America, in our country, we don't need physical proof to know somethings out there. (Take Iraq's weapons of mass destruction for example)
We've got something called faith.
And when you've got faith, anything is possible.

Ain't that something.

Barack Obama and the Double Edged Sword

Sounds like a flick that may be out in theaters this summer right?
Wrong.
It's really the continuing criticism that President Obama has been receiving about his nominations; and how his administration is suffering through their goal of attempting to establish a "transparent" government.

Now you know me, I'm all about transparency.
If my government is cookin' something, I wanna know what it is, and if I'll be able to sample it. (For example, our previous "stimulus" bill tasted horrible... but then again it was shoved down my throat without permission, and yours.)
However recently, the media has been super nosy.
I mean so nosy that our poor President cannot even begin to simmer any ingredients together without someone shouting "Too much salt!" or "Remove the carrots!"

I mean holy crabs. (See picture to the right for an image)
The guys only been on the job for 2 hours, and yet it is as if the man has done more Pwrong doings than Bush has done in his entire presidency! (For a quick but fair synopsis of Bush's mistakes, please refer to 2005's "V for Vendetta".

Now I'm not saying President Obama's recent nominations are not worthy of criticism.
Yes, he's had about 200 nominations go sour.
However, give the President some credit!
The fact that he has owned up to every mistake is in every right a step towards developing government accountability.
And now that we have an open and honest* President, the man has become completely vulnerable.
I mean, where did this enthusiasm come from all of a sudden?
Do we really reward honesty negatively?

Heres the deal:
Mistakes are made, they are always going to be made.
There is no Trail without Error.
It is impossible to take a step in the right direction without encountering obstacles.
(Just take Dorothy and the Yellow Brick Road for example.)
Having that said, it is better to start finding solutions to these obstacles rather than interrogating them and wasting valuable time and money.
A solution does not mean giving birth to controversy and chaos.
It means moving solving and executing a previous "failure".

If you enjoy dwelling upon "failure", then with all due respect be my guest.
But for the rest of us who would like to see our country a little more productive, lets carry on with business and move ahead.








* denotes honesty on a contingent basis.