Take My Eyes But Not The Shirt!

Yes, if your a fan of Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you probably recognized that unforgettable quote.
But there's always a reason for everything.

Folks,
I was watching my news sources the other day when I heard the ridiculous price tag of the Economic Stimulus Package.
(Right now, it is about 720 Billion Dollars)
And it got me thinking.
Where the heck are we going to get 720 billion dollars worth of this material?

Answer:
Well money is made of cotton and linen. To be exact, 75% cotton and 25% Linen.
So, the answers are pretty simple.
1. Nationalize every cotton and linen store in the country.
(Is this why my local Linen's and Things ran out of business?)
2. Call on every American to donate their cottons and linens to the Crane Paper company, who manufactures the paper money.

Yes America, I know its hard, but it's time we all round up our baby blankets and Ed Hardy shirts.
Criminalize quilting.
And for once in our lives, purchase that silk suit we've been dying to get.(But never had a valid reason too)

Sadly though, our country has developed a plan B to my A.
And if you think my plan is crazy, just listen to this one.


America has managed to find a way to print 720 billion dollars, devalue our money, and save your precious linens at the same time.
(While staying environmentally friendly as well!)
You see, only 3% of our money is actually tangible... leaving 97% digital.
Therefore, we are going to pull a Chris Angel, create 720 billion dollars out from
"credit", and condense it into digital convenience.
So the next time you need to borrow money, just punch your computer, television, or Leap Frog learning system.
Better yet, just take your hands, and start snatching our bills out of thin air.

Because America, in our country, we don't need physical proof to know somethings out there. (Take Iraq's weapons of mass destruction for example)
We've got something called faith.
And when you've got faith, anything is possible.

Ain't that something.